being an adult

at some point you will stop seeing yourself as a teenager and start seeing yourself as an adult. there’s no telling when that will happen but one day you will realize that you’ve been referring to yourself as an adult for some time. it usually happens in the mid-20’s or never, from my personal experience. it’s really hit me in the last year that i’m an adult. i have a full-time job and am almost done with college. i live away from my parents. i pretty much do what i want when i want, there’s no one to control my time or tell me what i’m allowed to do. it’s a very freeing but also terrifying thing. because that also means there’s no one to take responsibility when you mess up or to clean up after you. dealing with those situations alone can be horrible at first.

until you’re done. then you realize that you handled something pretty terrible, all by yourself. that’s what life is. those defining moments and realizing that you survive them, mostly in tact. they didn’t destroy you. but they probably tested you, made you question things or have to change. life is full of moments like that. running away from them only makes things more difficult, or makes the problem so difficult that you can’t possible handle it alone anymore. and when you’re an adult, it becomes a lot harder to ask for help.

in the last year, i’ve realized that i’m not the person that i thought i was. i’m not the person i was pretending to be. and that’s hard. having to come to terms with the fact that i’ve been pretending to be someone that i’m just not. and i’m tired of that. sure, it pissed some people off as i began to change. i’m still changing to be honest. but i obviously don’t need those people in my life. that’s also something you learn as an adult, friends aren’t always friends for life. in fact, most friends are temporary. there are a few that you will hold on for long-term but don’t expect everyone to be like that. you will only be let down in the end. never put more effort into friendships (or relationships) than the other person involved, it should always be equal. don’t chase people who won’t chase you too. learn that lesson yourself or someone will teach you, i don’t want anyone else to learn it the hard way. i know it took me multiple collapsed friendships to figure that one out.

you want to be around people who accept you for who you are, but also call you out on your bullshit. my bf doesn’t let me get away with anything. he calls me out when i’m being bitchy. he lifts me up when i’m down. i try to do the same for him. because relationships are a partnership, its two people deciding to deal with the crappy adventure called life together. surround yourself with friends who want to be around you, who make an effort, who seem to genuinely care about you and your interests.

don’t do things just because they are popular. don’t pretend to care about things when you don’t. be genuine. its the best thing you will ever do for yourself. i spend years pretending to be someone else and pretending to like certain things. its exhausting. i’m not perfect and i’m not completely genuine but i’m a work in progress. i’m trying to be more honest with who i am and who i want to be. there are people who won’t like that about you. ignore them.

being an adult is realizing that you are responsible for yourself and taking ownership of that. that means owning your mistakes. but also your triumphs. you did those yourself. it means determining that you probably shouldn’t go to bed at 3 am every morning or eat chocolate for dinner every night. but that’s it also okay to do that sometimes. it means taking care of yourself even when you think you can’t because your parents aren’t there to do it for you. it means surrounding yourself with people who will help pick you up and keep you together when you simply can’t do it anymore. being an adult isn’t about having a job or paying bills, its about realizing that you are who you are and accepting it. don’t let anyone tell you who to be.

this has been a self-indulgent ramble on adulthood, or at least what it’s been for me. and let me tell you, its been a wild ride so far.